This day in virtual obscurity.
This weekend we celebrate independence. I was at my mothers and found in a pile of stuff destined for a garage sale a small digital clock. I said "This is cool why you gonna sell it?" My mother replies "The batteries are dead, if no one buys it I'll just throw it out". Throw it out I exclaimed, this nice little clock?" "well, take it if you want it" she says. So I did.
Later that evening I went to Wal-Mart. It was actually 3:30am because I cannot bare the reality of a crowded, bustling, full metal, shopping experience. The doors glide open like a friendly smile welcoming me. A fluorescent womb waited beyond the threshold, I was drawn closer but then the doors closed on my leg shaking me from my mirage.
Shaken but not deterred, I ignored the gash on my leg and was quickly back on the trail of my digital clock batteries. Upon entering the tomb of commerce I am struck by the unimaginable amount of colorful shrink wrapped stuff. As far as the eye can see, stuff stacked upon stuff. I knew immediately I would never find the small batteries in the vastness of "it all" so I sought help from the first person I saw wearing the blue smock of shame. Excuse me sir I say, assured by this mans name tag that he is indeed a employee of the store and quite happy about it (if the smiley face button is any indication). I show him the battery and after taking it from me he stares at it, examining it like a jeweler regarding a precious stone. Finally having summed up the situation he confidently says " We will have to look at the batteries". "Yes" I say," Yes indeed" and with that he is off leaving me behind .
I do my best to keep up but he is a man on a mission and does not have time to waste. As I round a corner I am confronted with a billboard size wall of batteries. Beneath the wall of energy is the blue smock I have enlisted in my quest. He is perplexed as he thumbs through the seemingly endless types of plastic incased batteries occasionally stopping to compare the one he holds in his hand to a package from the wall. After ten long minutes he looks up and says "oh, these are watch batteries! We have to go to the jewelry department".
And so with a wink and a nod from the young man in the blue smock we are off in search of the jewelry department. I stay at his heals for fear I would never find my way alone. And suddenly before us is JEWELRY shining like a beacon among a thousand other beacons filling me with hope that our journey would soon be coming to an end. (I have now been in the store for 20 minutes)
Inside the borders of jewelry there is another wall of batteries. This one smaller then the last but no less brimming this time with teeny, tiny batteries, "Watch batteries?" I ask with a crack in my voice. "Yes" says Mr blue smock "here they are". And again he starts his search for the illusive digital clock battery. After another few minutes I am starting to have severe doubts as to whether or not Mr. Smock has a fucking clue and just as I was about to give up Mr. Smock says"Ah-ha, here they are".
I am amazed and a little embarrassed for losing faith in him. I reach out to take the plastic incased prize from his hand and he pulls it away and says "I cant sell these to you".
I am confused and my first thought was he was just kidding but I soon realize from his dead pan expression that we are not in Kansas anymore. I say nothing, slack jawed and deflated I wait for what's next. Mr. Smock has now put the batteries back on the wall and says "I'm not jewelry, only jewelry people can sell the watch batteries". After a pause to collect my thoughts I ask Mr. Smock "Where are the jewelry people?" Mr. Smock tilts his head doing his best RCA dog impression and replies "The jewelry people only work during the day and evening, Sir". "Yes", I say.
For a moment I saw myself screaming at Mr. Smock "Why the fuck have you just wasted 30 minutes of my life?!"" but instead I just smiled and walked away leaving Mr. Smock to ponder his own fate. I slowly make my way through the labyrinth into the cool summer night and the comfort of my LHS. As I write this my small digital clock sits blank and silent. I think I will throw it away.
Later that evening I went to Wal-Mart. It was actually 3:30am because I cannot bare the reality of a crowded, bustling, full metal, shopping experience. The doors glide open like a friendly smile welcoming me. A fluorescent womb waited beyond the threshold, I was drawn closer but then the doors closed on my leg shaking me from my mirage.
Shaken but not deterred, I ignored the gash on my leg and was quickly back on the trail of my digital clock batteries. Upon entering the tomb of commerce I am struck by the unimaginable amount of colorful shrink wrapped stuff. As far as the eye can see, stuff stacked upon stuff. I knew immediately I would never find the small batteries in the vastness of "it all" so I sought help from the first person I saw wearing the blue smock of shame. Excuse me sir I say, assured by this mans name tag that he is indeed a employee of the store and quite happy about it (if the smiley face button is any indication). I show him the battery and after taking it from me he stares at it, examining it like a jeweler regarding a precious stone. Finally having summed up the situation he confidently says " We will have to look at the batteries". "Yes" I say," Yes indeed" and with that he is off leaving me behind .
I do my best to keep up but he is a man on a mission and does not have time to waste. As I round a corner I am confronted with a billboard size wall of batteries. Beneath the wall of energy is the blue smock I have enlisted in my quest. He is perplexed as he thumbs through the seemingly endless types of plastic incased batteries occasionally stopping to compare the one he holds in his hand to a package from the wall. After ten long minutes he looks up and says "oh, these are watch batteries! We have to go to the jewelry department".
And so with a wink and a nod from the young man in the blue smock we are off in search of the jewelry department. I stay at his heals for fear I would never find my way alone. And suddenly before us is JEWELRY shining like a beacon among a thousand other beacons filling me with hope that our journey would soon be coming to an end. (I have now been in the store for 20 minutes)
Inside the borders of jewelry there is another wall of batteries. This one smaller then the last but no less brimming this time with teeny, tiny batteries, "Watch batteries?" I ask with a crack in my voice. "Yes" says Mr blue smock "here they are". And again he starts his search for the illusive digital clock battery. After another few minutes I am starting to have severe doubts as to whether or not Mr. Smock has a fucking clue and just as I was about to give up Mr. Smock says"Ah-ha, here they are".
I am amazed and a little embarrassed for losing faith in him. I reach out to take the plastic incased prize from his hand and he pulls it away and says "I cant sell these to you".
I am confused and my first thought was he was just kidding but I soon realize from his dead pan expression that we are not in Kansas anymore. I say nothing, slack jawed and deflated I wait for what's next. Mr. Smock has now put the batteries back on the wall and says "I'm not jewelry, only jewelry people can sell the watch batteries". After a pause to collect my thoughts I ask Mr. Smock "Where are the jewelry people?" Mr. Smock tilts his head doing his best RCA dog impression and replies "The jewelry people only work during the day and evening, Sir". "Yes", I say.
For a moment I saw myself screaming at Mr. Smock "Why the fuck have you just wasted 30 minutes of my life?!"" but instead I just smiled and walked away leaving Mr. Smock to ponder his own fate. I slowly make my way through the labyrinth into the cool summer night and the comfort of my LHS. As I write this my small digital clock sits blank and silent. I think I will throw it away.
<>4:11 PM
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